Before my husband and I moved to Mexico in 2021, we had a lot of questions. Fortunately, we found several expat groups on social media who had a great deal of experience and knowledge. Now that we have been members for over a year, it is easy to recognize questions that are repeated regularly. The most common, and the most difficult to answer is, “What’s it like there?” Sometimes the original poster will add details like “What’s it like for women who are single?” or “What is the climate like there?” or my personal favorite “How much does it cost to live there?”
There are two things that complicate these questions. First, and maybe most obviously, answers will depend on what your requirements are. Do you want to buy or rent a house? Do you want to live in el Centro or do you want to live in the suburbs? Do you need 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms or are you looking for a studio apartment?
It sounds like common sense, but when moving to a new country, it might be hard to know if what is common sense in the United States is the same in Mexico. For example, in the U.S., it is common sense that feminine sanitary products should not be flushed down the toilet. In Mexico, it is common sense that in any colonial area, toilet paper should not be flushed down the toilet. (In both cases, washing your hands is always a good idea.) So, while it seems apparent that answers to questions depend on individual circumstances, vague questions still get posted all the time.
There’s another reason it is hard to answer, “What’s it like there?” Simply, it’s not the same for everyone. Not all of us have the same experiences just because we live in the same town. Again, that seems like such basic logic that it’s easy to overlook how powerful that is in our lives. Before we dismiss that as a shamefully childish answer, let’s review a couple of ideas. Everyone has their own preferences. Each of us has own biases or perspectives.
Have you ever heard the idea that we tend to find what we’re looking for? That is not referring to the house keys I accidently put in the fridge with my lunch box that one time, nor to my search for buried treasure. Instead, the idea is that we don’t see things as they are, but as we expect them to be, or as Anais Nin said in “Seduction of the Minotaur”, as we are. Here’s a very simple example: If I said to you, “I found you the perfect home”, what would that look like? Is it palatial, opulent, and elegant. Or is the ideal abode a simple apartment with just enough room for you and your stuff? How disappointing if you thought the former but arrived to find the latter!
On top of having preconceived ideas when we ask the question, “What’s it like there?”, the people offering answers do so based on their own experiences and attitudes. My husband and I experienced this when we asked other expats what it was like to bring their pets into Mexico. Some people who had moved to Mexico said it was no big deal, just pack up your animal and come on over. Others told agonizing tales of long waits, required paperwork they didn’t have, and exorbitant costs. Who’s right? Well, as it turns out, both. The folks who said it would be easy were often people who brought their animals by car, or in a time when regulations were not so strictly enforced. The expensive and difficult experiences sometimes involved flying, and often with multiple animals, some of which could not be stowed under an airline seat.
There’s one more thing I want to mention when talking about our differing perspectives: resilience, our ability to take things in stride or to bounce back from difficulties. Imagine two different people going through identical experiences but one remained calm and wasn’t terribly disturbed by anything that happened, even when things didn’t go smoothly; the other was a nervous wreck, snapping and swearing and sweating. I am describing my husband and myself. I am embarrassed to admit I was not the calm one in that story. We were side by side for every step of the journey from the U.S. to Mexico with our two cats, but we had very different responses.
It reminds me of a story. (I´m old now, so everything reminds me of a story, so bear with me.) When I first heard this story, I thought it was a cute allegory, but now, I have real-world experience that closely resembles this narrative.
A traveler arrives by train in a new town, and sees a local working on the platform. The traveler asks the employee, “I’m new here and I just arrived. What’s it like here?” The employee thinks for a moment and says, “What was it like at the last town you lived in?” The passenger smiles brilliantly, “It was a wonderful place to live. People were kind. There were lovely parks, exciting activities and events and the food! It was amazing. I was very happy there.” The employee smiles and nods, saying, “I think you will find that this place is just like the last place.” The traveler thanks the employee and heads towards town.
A second traveler gets off the train and after making sure he has all his luggage and personal effects, he also approaches that same employee. The conversation starts almost the same, “Hey, hi there. I’m new in town and I’m curious what it’s like here.” The employee gives a little wry smile and asks, “What was it like in the last town you lived in?” The newcomer scowls and shakes his head, “It was pretty bad. There was a lot of crime. It was expensive and people there were pretty rude. I didn’t like it much; that’s kind of why I moved here.” The employee shrugged sympathetically and said, “I think you’ll find this place is just like the last place.” The man growled slightly, sighed heavily and lumbered out of the station.
“What’s it like here?” The answer isn’t just about ‘here’. The answer is also about the traveler, what kind of person they are; what mental, physical and emotional tools they have; their biases, fears and hopes. Perhaps this is why the best answer to the above question is, “That is entirely up to you.”
